“My Lord, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we have all heard the account of how the young Billy goats Gruff were denied their rights of lawful passage over the bridge by the wicked troll and how their father, Big Billy goat, then confronted the troll, tossing him in the river, and subjecting him to grievous bodily harm. It certainly made a good story in the Fairytale Times! However, I would ask you, ladies and gentlemen…was this a true and honest account? Was Big Billy goat justified in taking such action against a defenceless troll?
Let us examine the facts… Father Troll and his family emigrated to the land of Make Believe, to make a better life for themselves. They left their homeland and bravely, spent their life savings providing us with this community facility, over the river Hufflepop. They were entrepreneurs! They worked hard to build this bridge, establishing their humble home on the bank beneath it. They have every right therefore, to expect anyone who crosses the river upon it, to pay a nominal toll for the convenience. Indeed, had the bridge been there earlier, the Gingerbread Man would not have met his untimely end, having to jump on the Fox’s nose, in order to cross the river without getting wet!
Now, on the day in question, when the two young Billy goats tried to cross the bridge without paying… the little Billy goat was extremely rude to Father troll but ran away, with little harm done. His larger, adolescent brother however, used extremely bad language and threatening behaviour. Notice they were both running wild, without the steadying influence of their gentle mother. She had left the family, unable to tolerate brutal Big Billy goat Gruff, who is known for his temper and being a violent bully. When his sons were turned off the bridge, he, instead of paying the toll, with a family discount, he was so angry that he head butted the poor troll into the river, in a clear act of aggravated assault!
I ask you, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, was this justified? The trolls are not wicked. They are shy people, careful with money. They may look a little different from most of our population… but does this give us the right to deprive them of their lawful living?
I contend they provide a valuable service here, one that should be upheld and protected. Look what happened when these wild goats finally trespassed to the other side of the river… they scattered the sheep of Little Bo Peep and she took ages trying to find them.
They also ransacked the gardens of Mary Quite-Contrary, incurring willful damage. She is bringing a separate action against the Gruff family.
It would have been better if the willful goats had stayed on their own side of the river until they had learned some manners, instead of barging across and causing trouble. Big Billy goat is not a good role model and should be held to account!
The troll’s bridge is not only a commodity for uniting us ladies and gentlemen, it can also serve the purpose of keeping away undesirables! Undoubtedly, it is now an essential part of our infrastructure, and we need to keep it, with the trolls to maintain it.
The goats Gruff were clearly in the wrong, and I would ask you to find them guilty!”